It has been a long time since I last posted an entry, and I think it will be a longer time that I will post my next entry.
I began to realise that I am a heartbreaker. I never intend to do any harm to anyone, it is just my naivety and inability to handle things the right way that resulted in an irrecoverable wound on people's heart. Trust me, my wound is as deep as yours, if not deeper. I have always tried hard to be kind and not to hurt people, but the harder I try, the deeper the wound will become.
Those who loved me, who used to be with me, or those who had feelings for me, are all my victims. To those that loved me, I never repay them with the same amount of love. To those that were with me, I never repay them with the same amount of loyalty. To those that had feelings for me, I never repay them with the same amount of kindness they showed me.
I never had bad intention to deceive anyone, nor I deceive anyone with the purpose of getting them. I told lies because I did not know how to tell the truth. Either way, it is heartbreaking to be on the receiving end of the lies. Enough said, a liar will always be a liar, regardless of what justification is being made for committing the sin.
One thing that I would never lie about, is that I have put my true emotion and feelings into each and every relationship I was involved. I would never fake my emotion or feelings. Never.
I have broken the hearts of many people, and I guess it is my time to pay back to you all. May my heart shatter into pieces that even cupid will never be able to piece them back together.
I used to have a plan of when to get married and when to have kids and a happy family etc. I guess that plan has turned into a dream now. I would not able to acheive that, not this life. Therefore, this will be the last time I am going to mention about it. Perhaps I am better off being a lone-ranger, just like what my dad told me.
Before signing off this entry, I would like to thank a few people who are involved in my life, so far. Thanks J, for spending the best moments of my life with me. Thanks K, for your constant support and caring. Thanks L, for opening my eyes to the reality of love and choices. I love you all.
ps. No, this is not a suicidal note, I will be back.
