Have you had the same feeling that I have been experiencing the past few days? Living boringly in boredom? Living a repetitious life? Longing for some excitement yet nothing is happenning?
I am trying to recall when was the last time I had fun. My memory failed me. Perhaps it is time to upgrade my memory from 512MB to 1GB, or perhaps it was the speed. Or should I try DDR2? My mind seems to be drifting away, not giving me the right information I am trying to acquire. Is this the effect of boredom?
Last night, same time. I was sitting in front of the computer, constantly clicking on the MSN window and the ICQ window, hoping to see some friends online. Bad luck, they are all offline. What would they be doing? Out having fun, of course! It is a Saturday night! What am I doing at home? All alone? Staring at the screen, waiting for some miracle to happen. Yet nothing happened.
The best way to beat boredom is to dream. Yeah, right. The first thing we have to do is to fall asleep. I can't. Tried that for almost an hour. I am still very awake. Eventually, I came back to the terminal again. Luckily friends started popping up on ICQ. But they were gone before long. I never got the chance to even greet, not to mention starting a conversation. People seems to be occupied with meaningful things. Unlike me. I have done nothing meaningful. Even when I have lists of tasks to complete. Even when I am running out of time, I am not doing anything useful. God help me.
When you have a restless mind, you cannot put yourself to do anything. I have a restless soul, I am wasting life. Ever wondered why God created us? No, He created us not because He is bored, but because He wanted us to experience boredom and thus begin to create excitement to beat boredom. It is a Test from God. We will commit sins if we avoid taking this Test and beating it. Firstly, a sin called Sloth. If we thought that we do not need to take this Test, then we have commited the Vanity sin. If we see other people who have beaten boredom and we have not, we might commit the Envy and Anger sins. If we have eventually passed the Test yet we are not satisfied, the sin is called Greed. However, if we tried to cheat, doing it the Devil's way, we are very likely to succumb to the sins of Gluttony and Lust. How many sins have I committed so far?
To start off with, I skipped the service today. I thought that will not beat my boredom. Vanity. I felt hungry even when I am stuffing my mouth full of macadamia cookies. Gluttony. I look at people who has got job in their chosen profession yet I am still a shop assistant doing labour work, I felt envious. Envy. And I am angry with myself for being such a failure. Anger. Yet I did not take any action to increase my chance to get professionally employed. Sloth. Even when my lifestyle is quite luxurious, I still yearn for more. Greed. And Lust, I will keep that to myself.
I have not begun to take the Test, yet I have already committed the seven deadly sins. I am really bored with this boring boredom. Help~~
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